


Interlude

by sidewinder



Category: Xena: Warrior Princess
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Episode Related, F/F, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1998-07-16
Updated: 1998-07-16
Packaged: 2018-07-24 08:53:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7502013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sidewinder/pseuds/sidewinder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some silliness set after the events of "In Sickness and In Hell". Gabrielle stumbles onto an unexpected scene.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Interlude

**Author's Note:**

> Just some more old (VERY old) fic of mine I found I'd forgotten to archive here.

It was a beautiful warm, sunny afternoon, and _finally_ Joxer was starting to feel a bit more like himself again. The surface of the lake sparkled and he slipped completely beneath it for a few moments, now that he could do so without his stomach churning in response.

Gods, stomach flus were no picnic. Neither was dealing with Xena and Gabby when they were sick, grumpy, peeling and oozing. Those irate villagers threatening to stone him and the Scythian warriors had almost been a walk through Elysia in comparison.

Joxer was certain it would take several weeks' worth of intensive bathing to get all of the dirt, poo, stink, drool, and other fluids and things he preferred to try to forget about off his body. Now that Argo was safe and sound, and everyone was starting to pull themselves back together, they'd hit the road again, but they were still a little slower on their feet than usual. After a few hours walking, Xena had decided they'd best take a rest for the afternoon and camp out here in the woods, instead of trying to make it to the next village by nightfall. While the girls settled in and were discussing food options, Joxer had backtracked to the small lake they'd passed a short distance back near the road. He wanted to take advantage of the chance to clean up a bit before testing whether his stomach was prepared to handle any solid food today. As long as Xena didn't decide on catching and cooking up some fish, he supposed he could handle it. There was something about the thought of fish right now that was decidedly unappealing and nauseating.

Like anything about the entire past week _hadn't_ been nauseating.

He wasn't sure how long he'd let himself just relax in the soothing waters, but eventually he figured he'd best get out before he risked giving himself a chill. He climbed out of the lake and grabbed his blanket, which he'd washed along with the rest of his clothes and left to dry while he bathed. He used it to dry himself off, then he reached for his pants to start getting dressed.

Most unexpectedly they vanished right out of his hand.

"You won't be needing those for a while."

He spun around at the familiar voice. "Ares!"

"Were you expecting someone else?"

"Um...I wasn't expecting anyone." He was more than a little surprised by the visit, but not exactly unhappy about it. It felt like a very long time indeed since he'd seen Ares...even longer since Ares had given him _that_ look, a look that was enough to start his already weak stomach doing flip-flops and make his pulse quicken in anticipation.

Maybe this week was going to end on an upnote after all.

"I haven't seen you since, well, that whole business with Hope--"

The god grimaced. "Please. Don't remind me of that little bitch."

"But you and she--"

"I _said,_ don't remind me." Ares stepped forward to place a warning finger upon Joxer's lips. The mortal man had to suppress the urge to shiver at the gentle touch. "There were things going on there that you don't understand...let's leave it at that for now."

Joxer nodded slightly, not about to argue the point. The finger then slipped from his lips, traveling on an agonizingly slow trail down his neck. Ares' eyes followed his hand's path as he remarked casually, "I watched you fighting the other day in that village, with Xena and Gabrielle. I was impressed."

"You were?" Joxer asked with genuine surprise.

"Mmm. Far from graceful, but at least you didn't end up knocked out, in a water trough, or up a tree hanging by your underwear. Perhaps there's a slim chance I could make a warrior out of you yet."

"Well, practice makes perfect, and I _have_ been practicing." Joxer was finding it increasingly difficult to concentrate on speaking as Ares' finger began circling around one of his nipples. Gods, but Ares looked good. He always looked good. Joxer couldn't hold back, not after all the time that had passed since Ares had last come to him. He reached up to touch the god's face, the warmth spreading through his body only growing more intense as his light caress brought a smile to Ares' lips.

He ran his hand along one cheek, then lowered it, unable to resist the temptation of that delicious chest he knew he could spend hours touching and exploring if given the chance. Joxer tugged irritably at Ares' vest as the god stood before him completely clothed and noted, "You have me at a bit of a disadvantage here."

"Always, lover," Ares answered him, before finally pulling the eager man against him for a kiss Joxer had been dreaming about for months.

*

"Xena, I think it's clean, all right? That was days ago."

The warrior princess cast Gabrielle a wary glance and reluctantly pulled the edge of her chakram out of the campfire. She still couldn't touch the weapon without remembering Gabrielle using it to scratch her fungus, and just the thought made it difficult for her to handle the blade anymore. She put the chakram down and went back to stirring the soup-pot that sat over the flames. Gabrielle walked over and studied the bubbling soup critically. "How much longer 'till it's ready? I'm hungry."

"A little while. The potatoes aren't cooked through yet."

Gabrielle sighed and said, "Well then, I'm going to head over to that lake and wash out some of my clothes and round up Joxer for dinner." With that she grabbed her bag and took off.

Xena waited a minute or so, until she could no longer hear Gabrielle's feet crunching along over the rocks and branches on the ground, before reaching for her chakram and sticking it back into the flame.

_One of these days I'll teach her to quit using my things without asking..._

*

_It's so nice to be done with swampland, fungus, nasty warlords and jealous horses for a while,_ Gabrielle thought happily to herself. _And to be able to talk again without slobbering all over myself!_

She was certain someone on Olympus had been having a good laugh at her and Xena's expense these past few days. No one suffered through that much bad luck and misery purely by accident--with or without Joxer around.

Gabrielle paused as she heard a loud sound echoing through the woods, somewhere up ahead of her. It hadn't sounded like a wild animal to her ears, not even another possessed rabbit. After several minutes with no further sounds except the chirping of birds and the wind rustling the leaves of the trees around her, she dismissed the noise, figuring she'd probably just imagined it. Since the rest of her body had been acting up in the most peculiar, disgusting, and annoying ways this week, why shouldn't her hearing start to go as well?

As she started walking, she heard the noise again.

"Uuuuuh!"

It was louder this time, loud enough that she recognized the source. Joxer, definitely. She'd heard him crying out in pain enough times before to recognize his particular repertoire of moans and groans. But there was something about it that sounded just a little off to her, not _quite_ the same note of pain to it as she was used to hearing.

"Oh! Ooooooh..."

Maybe he wasn't as finished with that stomach flu as he'd been claiming he was. She and Xena had both made some pretty interesting noises of their own while they'd been fighting it off. She wondered if she should head back to camp and leave him a little privacy or whether he might be in need of assistance.

After all, she did have one spare blank scroll left in her bag.

"Oooh yeah, oh...don't stop...don't...OH!"

_Hmm...I think turning back is the best course of action. I **really** don't think I want to know what's happening there._

In fact she was just turning around to head back to camp, to save taking care of her dirty laundry until later, when she heard one last cry that caught her attention:

"Oh, Ares! Ares!"

_Ares?!_

A part of her mind told her she should surely stay away and pretend she'd never heard a thing.

But another part said, _Yeah, but the curiosity is going to kill me if I don't have a look!_

*

Ares paused for a moment, his senses picking up the signature presence of another approaching them. _Tartarus, I forgot to shield us,_ he realized, and he was a little too involved in his current activity to focus his energies properly to do so now.

He'd known Xena and Gabrielle were nearby, but he'd forgotten how vocal Joxer could be when properly...stimulated.

He was almost ready to stop when a wicked thought crossed his mind. _It **has** been so much fun watching Xena and the little bard suffer all week, why not end things with a real...bang,_ he considered, his lips curling in a lewd smile at the thought.

Joxer's unfocused eyes looked up at him curiously and he felt the mortal's concern over his sudden pause. Concern and a definite hint of annoyance.

"Why did you stop?"

"Nothing to worry about," Ares assured him, closing his eyes and losing himself once more in the warmth depths of Joxer's sweet flesh.

*

Gabrielle couldn't believe her eyes.

_I'm hallucinating, right? In fact, I think this whole week has simply been one long, never-ending nightmare._

_After all, sweet little bunnies don't suddenly sprout fangs and attack people..._

_Joxer doesn't get called a hero and get rewarded with hundreds of dinars for doing nothing but dragging us along and giving everyone food poisoning..._

_And Joxer **definitely** doesn't get blowjobs from Ares while Xena and I aren't looking. Or let Ares...like he'd been doing when I first..._

_Well, I suppose it **would** explain why he doesn't seem capable of walking straight half the time._

_No,_ she tried to reassure herself, blinking her eyes repeatedly although the action did nothing to dissolve away the bizarre scene she was observing from her hiding place in the shrubbery. _This is absolutely not happening._

_But it is kind of...interesting, I guess...for a fantasy. Or dream. Or whatever is going on. Ares does have a nice ass...and those lips...and that...oh my..._

Licking her lips, she decided to stay for a while and see what else her overly active and obviously hallucinating mind would treat her to before the day was done.

*

Joxer lay on the grass, a blissful smile on his swollen lips. The god of war kissed him one last time before standing and summoning both of their clothes back once again.

"As always, it's been fun."

"Mmm hmm," was about all Joxer could manage.

"I hate to fuck and run, but, well, I _am_ a busy god. Stop by the temple in a couple weeks; if I'm finished with some business in Corinth by then, well...perhaps you can show me if you've learned any other new moves since last time."

"Mmm, I'll do that..." Joxer answered with a drowsy yawn, feeling an ache of regret as the god then disappeared in a burst of flames. But regret faded quickly as he started drifting off into some much-needed sleep while contemplating Ares' invitation.

Yeah, Xena and Gabby, they'd just have to take care of themselves for a while. When Ares made an offer like that, he wasn't one to refuse. He supposed the girls would somehow manage without him around...

*

Xena looked up and grumbled at Gabrielle, "Where have you been? I thought you were hungry."

"Oh, I kind of was...distracted," the bard replied.

"Then you're not hungry any longer? This came out better than Joxer's idea of soup, that's for certain."

"I'm hungry all right," Gabrielle purred with a sparkle in her eyes the warrior princess hadn't seen for several days. "But soup can wait for later."

"What about Joxer?" Xena protested weakly as the lovely (now that she was fungus-free once more) Amazon took away her soup bowl and pushed her down onto the ground.

"Trust me, Joxer is rather...indisposed at the moment."

"Oh?"

"Mmm hmm."

"Do I want to know?"

"Definitely not," Gabrielle assured her, before silencing her lover's mouth by covering it with her own.

_end_


End file.
